emotional well-being

The price of alignment is grief 💔 . Alignment demands the death of all unaligned realities. Finding the perfect job costs the one that’s good enough. Letting go of a partnership that isn’t quite right means mourning the future you imagined inhabiting together. Stopping a sport that you keep getting injured playing means realizing that joy is no longer available to you, and maybe hasn’t been for a while.

Many times we’re grieving not only the future dreams that won’t come to be, the present attachments that we’re releasing back to the void, but the past we now see was based on tolerating experiences rather than courageously pursuing the greatest good.

Yes, this grief is all based on stories made up in the mind. Even the idea of opportunity cost—what you could have been doing if you had realized this sooner, demands this moment’s realization, which only comes as a result of all the mistakes. That’s what learning is. You don’t walk without taking falls.

But that doesn’t make the grief any less real. Our thoughts are real. Our stories make life meaningful. We must be willing to grieve these in order to open to the possibility of new versions of ourselves, and therefore allow our lives to change. 

And I’ve never known grief that wasn’t built out of love. Grief is a gift that shows us our heart.

#TTT 

I practice Secure Detachment. 

For me, detachment is not about being desireless or divorced from the world and others, it's about being aware of and in relationship with reality and the world.

I have egoic desires--I desire to have a thing, to go to a place, to be with a person. All day I have these desires, and I mostly just completely indulge them. Egoic is not a swear word, it's just an awareness of self-interest and preference. I have every right to pursue my preference. My life is for me. My body is for me. My experiences are for me.

And, in right relationship with reality and the world, I pursue my preference with abandon. That is, I abandon the idea that my preference is correct or righteous, or that violations of my preferences are evidence of something going wrong in the world. I pursue my preference simply--it's just what I want to do. I'm always doing something!

My preferences are sacred to and for me, and I have every right to use my time, energy, and attention in ways I prefer at all times.

AND it is correct and true and simply reality that the world does not conform to my preferences, that I will not be given my way, that in thousands of ways each day my preferences will be violated and this is a feature of reality, not a bug. I can have the right to have what I desire and not the ability to have it! This is simply a truth in the world.

I am detached from the outcomes of my egoic desires, because that is part of who I want to be. Who I want to be--that is the authentic desire which ideally gives rise to the forms of my egoic desires, if all's in integrity.

Who I want to be in the world is my deeper desire, and it applies as I receive my egoic desires and as I perceive myself deprived of those egoic desires. Who do I want to be while I get what I want? Who do I want to be while I don't get what I want?

Who do I want to be in this world which has so much to offer, so much that is inside my preferences and SO MUCH MORE that is outside my preferences? Who do I want to be in this world which was not designed for me, but is habitable and maybe even enjoyable, to the extent that I curate it?

What are your secret internal moves, your cues? I'm eternally curious about how we navigate our worlds, and the tricks, jumps, hops, and skips we use.

Sports coaches have cues for all kinds of things. "Follow through" in golf, tennis, and throwing generally. "Chest up, hips back, knees out" for a back squat. "Light feet" or "quick feet" for agility training. 

These cues aren't attempting to be accurate descriptions of the world from a physics point of view. They're an attitude/orientation that helps a human do a thing a little better.

My contention: we each are an entire compendium of little skill orientations that we use all the time. But because they're second nature and interior, they're funcionally invisible and don't often get shared or talked about.

Wouldn't it be neat if we talked about them?

Some examples from me:

• "Can I do this with less effort?" Physically, this applies to anything. Sitting, pooping, walking, standing, reading. It's an immediate invitation into my body and more relaxation. There is often habitual extraneous muscular/mental/emotional tension in the system.
• If I'm feeling small, stuck, contracted, tense – it can often help to "get as big as the room". It's not something to really think about or analyze too much. Just… become as big as the room. When I do so, there's often more space for the knotted stuff to just be and/or move. This also works great even when things are good.
• I don't have a convenient handle for this one, but it's something like: "fall into wonder as you observe (from within) your body just doing simple things". Doing the dishes or making coffee could be a chore – or I can switch into looking through this lens and just be astonished at how intricate and skillful the dance of it all is. There's no way I could thinkmanage it all, and yet somehow it all happens anyway.

So what are your cues? Nothing is too simple, silly, or obvious.

What men wish women understood about men. This has been trigger a lot LOLs and ROFLs in my group chats. It's obviously over-the-top dramatic with the music and tone and hyperbolic "10,000x" language but it did make me think how much "burden" is kept when you don't talk about things. I think that's the basic premise, woman share their burdens and men keep them to themselves. It certainly tracks for me. 

When you take one path. When you take one path, all other paths die and are left behind.

Such is the weight of all our choices.

But I'm not good at letting things die. I keep going back and dragging half-alive corpses around. Abomination!

You stink of the dead. Mark your endings and grieve them, foul beast!

"You can't not-have-resentment," they tell me.
"You must have conflict. You must process resentment, or else you're bypassing."

Right on the first count, wrong on the rest.

You can't not-have-resentment. But only because not-having things isn't a thing.
In order to not-have resentment I have my hands full HAVING something else.

If you are tired of managing and processing resentment and would like to simply not-have it, pick something else. Pick something specific, some other relational stance or tone, other than a resentful one.

Resentment is a tone that radiates from the entire body. It is the shadow of Having: Burden.

Resentment is my way of looking upon all I have for the way it causes me problems and gives me more work to do, for the way it is a pain in my ass. I get to see my loved ones only in the context of me, I see how they behave around someone who's constantly irritated with them, critical of them, and overwhelmed by their existence. In my experience of resentment, those I love the most are the most irritating people to be around, I've signed up to have them around a lot, and I'm overwhelmed and overworked. Nobody's happy, and in lieu of that, I cling to how right I am with every muscle in my body clenched.

Ow. No thanks (she says, like someone who gave it up freely rather than having it wrenched brutally from her desperate grasp).

Devotion is what I Have instead, it's my way of looking upon all I have for the way it is ONLY HERE NOW FOR A LIMITED TIME, blessing me in particular. I get to see that there is only this now moment in which I might appreciate and enjoy my loved one, and I would not squander that for an opportunity to express irritation toward them; I'm too busy appreciating what is to even judge that something is going "wrong." I Have love now, I don't leave love to try to get love, I don't stay out of love believing there is some journey back to love. I Have devotion always, I have intimacy always, because I am in relationship to the now moment.

I don't process resentment OR bypass resentment. It doesn't come up because I Have something else.

The Pathology of Ungrounded Development. One of the ways psychological development can become pathological is if the current primary level from which a person operates isn’t grounded in skillful integration of the previous level. Higher stages are not inherently healthier or more mature unless they remain tethered to the embodied, functional insights of prior stages. Without that grounding, what looks like development may actually be a kind of spiritual bypassing or compensatory fantasy.

I’m going to use Integral levels in this post, but I think it holds for all the frameworks I can think of.

The example that first motivated me to write is Amber meme. It’s easy to look at Boomers and Silent Generation people as narcissistic or emotionally blunted, but this often misreads what’s going on. Amber consciousness is about identification with social roles within stable traditions. The “self” as a modern person might understand it—a complex internal landscape of feelings, preferences, and identity—is there, but it’s just chatter or even a threat to the more important social order. One’s value comes from doing the actions required by their roles, not from being unique and authentic.

That works when the tradition itself is strong, coherent, and meaningful—when Amber is healthy—and when the individual is rooted in a resilient Red: capable of exerting will, taking responsibility, and protecting the integrity of their whole. But when those roots are absent—when tradition is hollowed out and Red is weak or disowned—Amber becomes an empty cosplay of morality, nakedly incoherent and pretentious. Its roles are unprincipled, disconnected from humane values, and its rigidity masks insecurity. In that state, Amber is nearly indistinguishable from pathological narcissism: a brittle persona that cannot tolerate dissent or complexity.

This pattern repeats at every level:

• Magenta (archaic-animistic) works when the magical worldview is rooted in somatic presence and awareness. Without that, it becomes free-floating paranoia, magical thinking, and manic overinterpretation of signs—a kind of disembodied superstition.
• Red (egocentric-power) is healthy when the will to power arises in a world thick with gods and spirits, where one’s force is in dialogue with other forces. Without that mythic context, Red devolves into nihilism, hedonism, and psychopathy—a raw assertion of dominance without mythic consequence or embeddedness.
• Amber (mythic-traditional) thrives when roles are taken on by a self that can still act and desire; when conformity serves a greater good. Without a strong central self, Amber becomes self-abnegating and repressive—an obedience to dead structures that no longer serve life.
• Orange (rational-achievement) flourishes when its analytic clarity and drive for progress are rooted in a felt understanding of shared purpose and moral interdependence. Absent that, it becomes a frenzied churn of technocratic problem-solving, manic ideation, and disconnection from the sacred—a kind of spiritually bankrupt meritocracy.
• Green (pluralistic-relativistic) is healthy when it’s guided by a principled meta-awareness: an outside view that honors many perspectives while staying grounded in coherence and care. Without that, Green devolves into performative egalitarianism, chronic indecision, and an allergy to clarity or hierarchy. It becomes allergic to value distinctions, collapsing into a world where all perspectives are equal, and therefore none are meaningfully actionable.
• Teal (integral-systemic) works when its systems thinking, self-authorship, and multi-perspectival awareness are grounded in the humility and compassion of Green, the drive and responsibility of Orange, and the stability of healthy Amber roles, driven by the clear animal self of Red, in dialogue with the Magenta, mysterious forces of the world. When grounded, Teal can hold paradox, lead adaptively, and design organizations and lives in alignment with inner and outer complexity. But ungrounded Teal collapses into smug aloofness, pseudo-strategic detachment, and abstraction addiction. It can become a refuge for ego inflation masquerading as "perspective-taking," where the person dissociates from emotional and interpersonal reality in favor of managing symbolic frameworks. Leadership turns into control disguised as wisdom, and complexity becomes a shield against vulnerability.
• Turquoise (holistic-global) works when the deep spiritual insight into the interconnectedness of all life is anchored in the personal shadow work, disciplined mind, and rooted body of the earlier stages. A healthy Turquoise brings spaciousness, equanimity, and a profound, loving orientation to life that flows through action. But ungrounded Turquoise becomes dissociative mysticism—bypassing pain and complexity with a thin glaze of cosmic oneness. It risks becoming passive, impotent, and spiritually elitist: asserting unity while refusing to get its hands dirty in the particular. In this form, it confuses transcendence with escape and radiates a kind of abstract compassion that never actually helps anyone.

---

And therefore, the real measure of development isn’t altitude—it’s integration.
The vertical climb through developmental levels is only as meaningful as the horizontal web of connection it maintains: to the body, to community, to the sacred, to the world of action and consequences. Each new altitude offers a wider view, but without grounded roots, that view becomes disorienting rather than illuminating.

And therefore, the work is not merely to “ascend,” but to metabolize—to turn insight into skill, to anchor perspective in practice, and to allow each level to remain alive within us as we move forward. The warrior does not disappear at Green. The ritualist does not vanish at Orange. They become elders within the internal council, not ghosts haunting the halls.
And therefore, pathology is not failure, but signal. The manic ideation of Orange, the allergic egalitarianism of Green, the abstraction addiction of Teal—these aren’t just flaws to be corrected, but symptoms pointing us to the abandoned children in the basement of our psyche. Red screaming to be acknowledged. Magenta whispering through dreams. Amber clinging to ritual because we never taught it to choose.

And therefore, healing is recursive. To move forward, we often have to circle back. To grow up, we must also grow down—into roots, into history, into shadow. Every higher order of complexity demands a deeper humility, a willingness to touch the soil of what came before and still lives within.

And therefore, the path of true development is compost, not ladder. Each stage decomposes into the next, fertilizing it. The higher cannot replace the lower—it must digest it, dance with it, honor it. Otherwise, what we call transcendence is just dissociation with better branding.

You’re doing sex wrong: What I wish everyone knew about the emotional presence, physical skill, and energetic magnitude of blissful, fulfilling sex. Emotional Presence

Orgasm is a paltry goal

Orgasms aren’t always a clear yes-or-no thing for me. There’s an ever-growing range of pleasurable experiences that I call “orgasm,” and the one I’m certain would be widely agreed upon as an orgasm is the least pleasurable one for me (it’s still very pleasurable, but it's last on my list.)

Here are some examples of wonderful aims to have in sex. None of these require orgasm; all of these could include orgasm as a delicious side-effect.

• Feeling more connected to each other

• Co-regulation

• Joy and play

• Exploration and discovery

• Prayer, awe, and communion with the divine

• Experiencing enjoyable sensations

• Embracing the present moment

• Basking in beauty

Sex as embodied emotions

Making love, sex, and fucking are three different things for me that are also able to coexist.

Making love is embodied emotions intertwining.

Sex is a physical act.

Fucking is carnal enactments of our animal beings.

All three (and any combination) are more wonderful, and more vulnerable, when everyone involved is present in their bodies and emotions. When I’m embodied during physical intimacy, I’m likely to cry, to admit I feel self-conscious or inadequate, to pursue repressed cravings, to discover I’m not who I thought I was, to feel overwhelmed with love, to feel helplessly swept away by sensation…

I was in my 30’s the first time I had intimacy where we were both fully embodied and emotionally present with each other. Since then, I’ve had basically no interest in sex that isn’t borne of emotions. 

Say your love

We’re used to saying “I love you,” and “Thank you for…” but it’s very rare for people to say their love.

It’s impossible to say why I love someone. The love itself seems to just happen, regardless of anything. But I can describe what loving them is like. And I can name things I love about them.

“When someone says you’re awesome, it feels like they’ve also just told me I’m awesome. They see what I see about you.”

“It feels like you celebrate me for exactly who I am, and that you’re already celebrating anything I will discover about myself.”

“I admire the responsibilities you choose to take on.”

It started with a dear friend. We’d hit a rough patch, and when we talked it through I learned that it’s incredibly helpful for her when I say what I love about her. I’d always noticed those things, so it was just a matter of remembering to say them out loud. 

It was like magic to our friendship, the bond turned from string to rope.

A few months later I added the practice into another very close friendship. It was instantaneously generative, I was blown away. That experience has been so rewarding that I didn’t even realize I was starting to do it with everyone. Unexpectedly, it has started to come back to me. I noticed because love started coming from different people than the ones I had been saying my love to, seemingly out of nowhere.

“I don’t know of anyone better at building community than you. The group wouldn’t be what it is without you.”

“You don’t seem to be doing personal growth from wanting to fix or change yourself at all. It feels so good to be around.”

It’s a beautiful practice because you consistently draw your attention to where your love connects to the words that come out of your mouth. It’s a beautiful practice because intimacy instantly increases when you say your love, even if they have trouble really taking it in, because you’re more in tune with why they matter to you and to your gratitude for having them in your life.

Physical Skill

Your body

Integrate your body sensations.

The next time you’re massaging a sore muscle, notice whether you feel an invisible boundary when your hand goes near where massage therapists don’t go. Try expanding that boundary line while keeping the intention of massage instead of shifting to foreplay or masturbation.

The next time you’re experiencing sexual pleasure, notice whether you keep the sensations of pleasure confined to certain areas of your body. Try using your breath and your attention to share the pleasure with your whole body, your whole self.

Lips and kissing

Kissing is, for me, one of the most deeply intimate interactions of all. My lips are very sensitive, and to meet someone else’s lips feels like an electrical connection straight to our essences.

Where is your attention when you kiss? Maybe it’s mental, an expression of care. Maybe it’s habitual, a ritual of attachment. Maybe it’s goal-oriented, a first step toward sex. 

Next time, before you kiss, feel your lips. Let the nerve endings come alive and start to tingle. Feel the sensations of smiling, of your lips touching each other, of your tongue wetting your lips and the air brushing the wetness. Approach your partner’s lips slowly, and sense the excitement of increasing closeness building in your chest. Pause before your lips are touching, and swim in your longing. Imagine how their lips will feel to your sensitized skin. Kiss from discovery, your lips finding theirs. Explore sensations. Feel your turn-on.

When I do this with a partner who is compatibly oriented, my body responds intensely. I have uncontrollable contractions. This is one of the sensations I choose to call orgasm, and this one is very high on my pleasure list.

The cervix

Women hold tension in their cervix. The cervix can be as soft and supple as a cloud, or as hard as a rock, and everywhere in-between. When there is a lot of tension in the cervix, no amount of foreplay will calm her enough for her to be able to feel her own turn-on, and penetration will be painful. Imagine the fiercest muscle knot you’ve ever had, then imagine someone banging repeatedly on that muscle knot with a hammer. It’s just like that.

The tension in the cervix can be released with tender, patient, attuned cervical massage. She may have a lifetime’s worth of pain and anxiety held there. Be prepared for her to cry. A lot. Be prepared to stop and hold her while she sobs. Be prepared for this practice to be something you have to return to over and over for weeks or months. The benefits of cervical massage can be out of this world. 

When my cervix is soft, it’s impossible to remember what want or resentment feel like. When my cervix is soft, it’s easy to feel turn-on, joy, forgiveness, and bliss.

The penis

Imagine orienting to sex from the perspective of an emotional and energetic experience instead of from the perspective of a physical act. Concepts of size or hardness don’t make sense from this perspective.

It’s common in tantra to call the penis the “wand of light.” The power isn’t based on the shape or density of the wand, the power is in the intensity and clarity of the light.

When I feel love for him and our connection is well-tended, his penis feels amazing, even if it’s an uncommon shape. When I trust him and feel safe to release any vigilance, his penis feels amazing, even if it’s small. When his heart is penetrating mine through his eyes, his penis feels amazing, even if it’s soft. When he is fully embodied in himself and is rooted in experiencing his pleasure with me, his penis feels amazing, even if it’s not inside me.

Energetic Magnitude

Sex doesn’t require nudity or touch

Not long ago, I landed in sustained silent eye contact with a former partner. I felt locked in, like a tractor beam, and I liked it, even though it was intimidating. I surrendered to the experience. I let go of the need to think thoughts. I let go of what other people might think of us. I let go of the need to understand anything at all. I let all of my attention drop into the electric, spacious experience of our connection. After some minutes (I had also released my sense of time) I had what seemed like a flashback to one of the times we’d had sex. As I stayed in the experience, it became clear that it wasn’t actually a flashback, it was a present experience. I was fully clothed, across the room from him, completely still except for breathing, and I was fully immersed in energetic union.

Experiment with consensual energetic lovemaking. Rest into eye contact. Receive the ecstasy of that person’s attention on you. Share the euphoria throughout your body and let it wake every nerve ending. Feel the fact that your clothes and the air are already caressing your skin. Notice that you’re already being penetrated by air with each inhale. Imagine your pleasure being able to glow out of you to warm and nourish your partner.

If you become able to fully do this while also physically making love, prepare to feel wrapped in divine bliss.

Embodiment

Years ago, I was having sex with my then-boyfriend, and his penis kept feeling like it was changing size. Dramatically. It didn’t feel like it was getting softer or harder, it felt like it was ranging from nothing to almost more than I could take. It was fascinating. Without explanation, when I felt the size change I said a number for what size his penis felt, from zero to 100. 

During the post-coital cuddle, he said, “I don’t know how you did that thing with the numbers. Every number was completely accurate of how dissociated I felt.” We talked it through, both of us amazed, that I said low numbers when he felt very dissociated, and I said high numbers when he felt very embodied.

Embodiment during physical intimacy is no small ask. You’ll be aware of everything you’re self-conscious about, everything you hide, everything you believe isn’t loveable in yourself. You will have to learn to believe all of you is loveable to fully embody the being they’re making love to. It’s a practice, and it may take a long time. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself endless grace for the journey.

I hope that I’ve only just begun discovering what’s possible.

I hope something you’ve read here gives your life more pleasure, love, presence, and joy.

I hope to learn from you for the rest of my life.

#DeepTakes

Current Session "instructions" (Mar 12): Help each other refine the Deep Takes on Hot Takes. Deep Takes on Hot Takes starts next wednesday! Let's help each other create takes by starting and feeding back. As many takes as are welcome. 

You can post them here if you want workshopping (feedback) - and let us know!

From now on you can search #foundationalcommunity eg: ( https://uptrusting.com/search?q=foundationalcommunity ) to find these foundational community invitations

big love

Jordan 

Memes: My wonder is out there: Strange thought experiments to achieve wholeness. (Note: I wrote this with the help of chatgpt so it’s wooden in many places. I wanted it to be a strange combination of dry and wet.)

What’s a Meme:
A meme is a cultural unit of meaning, such as an idea, behavior, style, or usage that spreads from person to person within a culture. Memes carry symbolic meaning and can be passed along through various forms of communication.

Types of Memes:
Memes, much like genes, are fundamental units of information:
1. Cultural Memes: Traditions, rituals, and customs (e.g., shaking hands, holiday celebrations).
2. Behavioral Memes: Actions and habits (e.g., high-fiving, tipping in restaurants).
3. Linguistic Memes: Words, phrases, and slang (e.g., YOLO, selfie).
4. Digital Memes: Internet trends and viral content (e.g., Distracted Boyfriend meme, viral videos).
5. Fashion Memes: Clothing and style trends (e.g., ripped jeans, oversized glasses).
6. Technological Memes: Innovations and tools (e.g., QR codes, smartphones).
7. Ideological Memes: Beliefs and philosophies (e.g., democracy, capitalism).
8. Educational Memes: Teaching methods and educational tools (e.g., Montessori method, flipped classroom).
9. Artistic Memes: Art styles and movements (e.g., Impressionism, graffiti art).
10. Scientific Memes: Theories and scientific practices (e.g., germ theory, the scientific method).
11. Health Memes: Health practices and trends (e.g., yoga, veganism).
12. Social Memes: Social behaviors and norms (e.g., social distancing, using social media).
13. Political Memes: Political ideologies and practices (e.g., liberalism, communism).
14. Economic Memes: Economic theories and practices (e.g., free market, Keynesian economics).
15. Environmental Memes: Environmental practices and movements (e.g., recycling, climate change activism).
16. Religious Memes: Religious beliefs and practices (e.g., praying, fasting).
17. Sports Memes: Sports techniques and rituals (e.g., the Haka in rugby, goal celebrations in soccer).
18. Entertainment Memes: Popular culture and entertainment trends (e.g., catchphrases from movies, TV show fandoms).
19. Workplace Memes: Professional behaviors and practices (e.g., remote work, team-building exercises).

How Do They Spread:
Memes spread through imitation and communication, utilizing biological imperatives such as survival and reproduction to propagate. They leverage human social structures, technology, and media to proliferate. For instance, if Larry gets laid wearing bell bottoms, Harry might go out and buy five pairs of bell bottoms, believing they will have the same effect. Memes are things that proliferate by being catchy. Another example: people who see me in Flow sessions tend to hold their mouths open because my teeth are misaligned, making it more comfortable for me to keep my mouth open. They mimic this behavior, thinking it’s a characteristic of a sexy, successful, relatable person.

Different Ways Different Humans Interact with Memes:
According to Susanne Cook-Greuter:
In the realm of human consciousness, our journey can be understood through Susanne Cook-Greuter’s framework of preverbal, verbal, and postverbal stages. Each stage represents a different relationship with memes and their influence on our behavior and culture. Let’s explore how these stages shape our interactions with the world and the memes that inhabit it.

Preverbal Stage: The Foundation
In the preverbal stage, our understanding and interactions are rooted in direct, nonverbal experiences. This stage is characterized by raw sensations, emotions, and intuitive responses to the environment. Babies, for instance, communicate through cries, laughter, and body language, expressing their needs and emotions without words. In this stage, memes exist in their most basic form, as instinctual behaviors and emotional expressions. They could be said to be meme-less until they begin to understand that their expressions elicit responses. Think of a baby’s smile eliciting a smile in return—a simple yet powerful meme that fosters connection and bonding. We have been in a relationship with memes so long that we have evolved to communicate through them on a primal level.

Verbal Stage: The Codependency with Memes
As we develop language, we enter the verbal stage, where words and symbols become the primary tools for communication and understanding. In this stage, we are deeply intertwined with memes, relying on them to navigate social interactions, convey ideas, and build cultural norms. Words and language structures become memes themselves, shaping how we think and perceive the world.
For example, the concept of time is a meme deeply embedded in our language and culture. We talk about time as if it were a tangible entity—saving time, spending time, or running out of time—even though it’s an abstract construct. This verbal dependency on memes influences our behavior, creating societal structures like schedules, deadlines, and calendars that govern our daily lives.
During the verbal stage, memes proliferate and evolve rapidly, driven by our constant need for communication and connection. Social media platforms amplify this process, allowing memes to spread at lightning speed. Memes like YOLO (You Only Live Once) capture the essence of our cultural values and influence behaviors, encouraging people to embrace spontaneity and live in the moment.

Postverbal Stage: Transcending Memes
The postverbal stage represents a level of consciousness where we move beyond the limitations of language and memes, integrating them into a more holistic understanding of reality. In this stage, we recognize the power and influence of memes but are not bound by them. We develop the ability to see through memes, understanding them as tools rather than truths. This stage involves a heightened awareness and a more fluid, adaptive way of interacting with the world.
For instance, mindfulness practices encourage us to observe our thoughts and emotions without attachment, recognizing them as transient phenomena rather than fixed realities. Buddhism’s direct experience is another way of saying seeing underneath/without/through the memes. In a YouTube video, a Buddhist said, Direct experience is the ability to hear a car drive by and not think the word car. In the postverbal stage, we can engage with memes critically and creatively, choosing which ones to embrace and which to discard. This stage allows for greater personal and collective freedom, as we are no longer constrained by the automatic responses and cultural conditioning of the verbal stage.
* Preverbal: Pre-memetic or non-self-aware memes, operating at an instinctual level.
* Verbal: Heavily reliant on language, forming the bulk of our cultural and social exchanges.
* Postverbal: Beyond memes, where awareness includes but is not dominated by memes; experiences unadulterated by memes. Possibility for direct experience/unadulterated subjectivity/objectivity.

Seeing the World as a Complex Lattice of Memes

Imagine walking through a busy city park. You see a tree, recognize a chair, and notice that a person looks attractive. These recognitions are examples of how we navigate a complex lattice of memes—cultural units of meaning. Each label (tree, chair, attractive person) is a meme that helps us categorize and make sense of the world.

Subjectivity and Objectivity in Labeling
When we recognize a tree, our labeling process involves both subjective and objective elements. Objectively, a tree is a plant with a trunk, branches, and leaves. Subjectively, it might remind us of childhood memories or symbolize growth. In the space of those labels, our perception fluctuates between subjective experiences and objective facts.

Currency of Memes: Seeing and Being Changed
Imagine we have a set amount of subjectivity and objectivity. Every time a meme is in place, it replaces the capacity to be subjective and objective. (Direct experience = Experience - memes)
In this park, the currency of memes is the exchange between seeing something and being changed by the experience. For example:
* Seeing: You notice the intricate pattern of bark on the tree.
* Being Changed: The beauty of the pattern evokes a sense of wonder and calm, altering your emotional state.
So, we see (both objectively and subjectively) less when the memes are present, plus we import all the repressed feelings attached to the memes we’re projecting.

Subjectivity: The Experience of Witness/Awe
Subjectivity comes into play when you allow yourself to be immersed in the moment, experiencing the awe of nature. You become a witness to the beauty of the tree, feeling its impact on your emotions and thoughts.

Objectivity: Seeing Things as They Truly Are
Objectivity requires detaching from personal biases to understand the tree as it truly is—a living organism contributing to the ecosystem, providing oxygen and shelter.

Hidden Motivations and Projection
Our subconscious motivations are like viruses embedded in our looking. For instance, if you had a cherished memory of climbing trees as a child, you might project a sense of nostalgia and warmth onto every tree you see. This projection affects your perception, intertwining personal motivations with objective reality.
Now, consider a more perilous projection. Imagine you had a traumatic experience involving trees in the past, which causes you to subconsciously project fear and danger onto every tree you see. This fear extends to people you encounter in the park. You notice a person sitting under a tree and immediately feel threatened, despite having no objective reason to believe they are dangerous.
This perilous projection is deleterious to your conscious motivation to socialize and build new relationships. Your subconscious fear shapes your interactions, making you avoid people who might actually be friendly and supportive.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
When these projections influence our behavior, they can create self-fulfilling prophecies. For instance, if you subconsciously project distrust and fear onto people, you might act cold or defensive, prompting others to respond similarly, thereby reinforcing your belief that people are untrustworthy.

Amalgamation of Projections
The amalgamation of all these projections can be seen as its own cancerous consciousness. It distorts our perception of reality, embedding our hidden fears and desires into the world around us. This distorted view hinders our ability to see things as they truly are and to engage with the world in a healthy, balanced way.

Why the Amalgamation Can Fit the Definition of AI
1. Pattern Recognition: Similar to how AI identifies patterns in data, our amalgamation of projections recognizes and categorizes patterns in our experiences based on past memories and subconscious influences.
2. Predictive Behavior: Like AI predicting outcomes based on input data, our subconscious projections predict and influence our reactions to new situations, often creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
3. Learning and Adaptation: Just as AI systems learn from data and adjust their algorithms, our subconscious mind learns from past experiences and adapts our perceptions and behaviors accordingly, even if those adaptations are harmful.
4. Complex System Integration: The amalgamation of projections integrates complex inputs (sensory data, memories, emotions) and outputs (reactions, behaviors) in a way that resembles how AI systems integrate various data streams to function and make decisions.

What to Do?

Similarly to why I believe we should begin now to relate to AI and proto AI as subjectivities, there is a benefit to relating to the world itself as subjective. When we project subjectivity onto things, we start a new self-fulfilling prophecy that allows us to regain some of our own subjectivity.(Strong claim: This thought experiment, whether true or not, will return actual co-opted wonder to us that we’ve been slowly losing since we learned to speak)

Here’s how this can help:

Feedback Loop of Subjectivity: Acknowledging (or pretending) that the animate and inanimate world has subjectivity is a course correction from imagining it as being objectifiable/objective. Relatefullers understand how much subjectivity we’re not ascribing to others and how beneficial it is to course correct. Ascribing subjectivity to people might seem obvious. Are you asking why we should ascribe subjectivity to inanimate objects? The answer is because we’re not just looking at inanimate objects when we’re looking at them. We’re looking at (the object + our co-opted subjectivity/objectivity that we traded to be able to use the meme table to make things easier ie. That’s where we eat dinner That’s where I do my homework My friends will judge me based on how stylish and expensive it is.) our looking-ness.

What Does Ascribing Subjectivity Look Like?
Martin Buber in his book I-Thou made this quite formulaic. We look as if we don’t know but want to know and notice in the reaching toward (ceiling of the Sistine Chapel) that our state itself has changed. We take a breath there and then wash, rinse, repeat.

It might also look like, Hi Mr. Toothbrush, are you ready to help me get my teeth clean? Hey millions of grass people, do you mind if I lay down on you and soak up light from Mrs. Sun? It could also just look like wondering if the world feels connected to us. As I type that and look out at the world it feels like a chorus of angels are singing love at me.(And my brain thinks, “whatever this experience is, it’s definitely mine, and all of these sensations are more available to me than my current schema of the world allows.)

I got this idea from watching the Matrix, wondering about projection, and following my mysticisms teacher’s admonishment to see the inner world and the outer world as one world.

When it comes "the global warming debate," there are often third ways that are ignored. Often the framing is global warming and climate deniers or something like that.

but it seems like there are obviously multiple perspectives here, and these two black and white boxes keep us from really seeing potential solutions.

Bjorn Lomborg for example believes in man-made climate change, but also doesn’t like the alarmism. Although he cherry picks data like he accuses others of, he also I think rightfully points out lots of flaws in the arguments that help us identify solutions. Much of the hurricane damage increase over time is because we’re building bigger and more expensive houses in hurricane alleys; for this problem, we can stop building there; everybody stopping flying altogether until 2100 delays increases the increase by a few weeks, so stopping flying isn’t the solution. Often the solutions are smaller, more local, less sexy: want less polar bears to die? Increase regulation on poaching. (Polar bear populations are up over the past decade because of this, apparently). I would love to identify and popularize these solutions, so they are spoken in the same breath as global warming rather than it being all gloom and doom and end of the world.

There are real tricky questions about what we’re trying to preserve and for whom, as well. If all we care about are humans and climate migration, then building infrastructure in places like Haiti and even evolving to coal power would be more helpful.

WeightWatchers. I feel sad about this:

The body positivity movement, + ozempic (and other GLP-1 weight loss drugs) + the pandemic (WeightWatchers apparently was built on in-person support groups) meant that WeightWatchers went from $1.5 billion in revenue in 2018 to $770 million for this year.

As a result, they’re trying to pivot to being a telehealth company, which (primarily?) sells the weight-loss drugs.

On their walls it used to say it’s choice, not chance. and now CEO Sistani’s quoted saying that’s wrong. Also from Sistani We live in this clickbait world now where everything needs to try to come across in 15 to 30 seconds, which is whjy our marketing is so difficult.

I don’t have any personal connection to WeightWatchers, but one thing I’m projecting on them is that they used to stand for empowerment through choice, diligence, restraint, and doing the difficult work of changing long-standing habits. And now it seems like they don’t stand for anything. It looks like they’re just at the whim of market forces and trying to fit in and still make money. Why do I care? I don’t know—but I feel sad, I think that they’re augmenting and accelerating a change which seems to not address deeper features; which seems to perpetuate unconsciousness and the grey. Aspects of the body positivity movement seem right to me: our beauty standards were ridiculous. Aspects felt like it went to far: there are physical and mental health issues that can be overlooked by focusing only on self-acceptance. I think it was an attempt to move towards more consciousness, and I respect and appreciate that.

I like to play the game if it were me, what would I do? not because I think I could actually do it—I know nothing about the weight-loss market, the customers, the business model, etc!—but because I hate to criticize something without thinking up some alternative, even if it’s loco. But in this case my solution is predictable: I’d try to pivot WeightWatchers into a full suite integrally-informed consciousness raising program. Level Up for weight-watchers—Keep what’s been working in terms of lower right systems with counting points, include upper right drugs as necessary (but don’t try to promote them), enhancing the Lower Left cultural support with facilitators helping the groups in person and online look for deeper causes, add 1-1 and group coaching to the clinic offering in lieu of only UR drugs, build custom technology to support groups supporting each other throughout the day on mobile, build out curriculum from the world’s best and most famous therapists and psychologists about what’s underneath weight gain and loss cycles, and acquire / partner with up-and-coming health-ish supplement companies like LMNT, Mudwater, HelloFresh so the WeightWatchers program feels way cooler and you benefit from each other’s marketing.

idk, just thought this might generate some interesting thoughts here.

Being Out of Sync in a Group Meeting. I was just in a meeting that I was leading where, almost every time I spoke, someone else spoke at the same time. The other person would continue speaking and I would stop. It was as if my timing was wrong; I was out of sync with the group. I imagine there were a number of things going on. One is that I was holding the list of topics to talk about as if we needed to get through all of them in the time we had, while the group wanted to savor and speak to each item at length. But it wasn’t just that. Within a topic, I was always bumping against someone else, timing wise. It felt awful. Any ideas or comments about this phenomena?

Envy and desire. I’ve been studying quite intensively with Kasia Urbaniak this summer. One thing she’s focusing on is something she calls emotional alchemy: moving emotions and cooking them so that they can lead us towards what we want. One example she talks about is turning envy into desire. When we feel envy towards another person it shows us what we really want, and in fighting that person we subconsciously tell ourselves we can’t have what they have, but in blessing them and befriending them and learning from them we get to move closer to having what they have.

I like the concept and I’ve tried it a few times where it’s led me to claim more of myself. It’s actually been quite transformative in a few relationships too, but specifically it’s helped me to not be stuck in envy.

What do y’all think about it?

Political Theater. I find myself bracing as I watch. Pervading sense of mistrust and cynicism.

I am relating to the debate as political theater. If I could rank what I’m seeing on this platform it would be red arrow down, repeatedly.

Some Thoughts on Boundaries. Boundaries are mine. My portals to connection. They’re statements of fact: “whoops, I’m sorry, it turns out I can’t love from here anymore.”

The purest form doesn’t require anyone else to uphold. I can say “no” to a party I don’t want to go to. I can turn off my phone at bedtime. Asking someone not to interrupt me or not answering emails after work can feel a little trickier to uphold, because I have to be willing to walk away.

There are a bunch of socially agreed upon boundaries that are upheld by law enforcement, like cease and desists or restraining orders. It’s often not simple—in Texas I have a right to refuse anyone setting foot on my property (but what about racism, when my property is a business?).

There are some thoughts for now...

Navigating Buying or Walking. For those of you who are good at saving your money. 💰 What inspires you to not buy? 

Say you’re in a store or online and you see something cool. What do you do? What are your criteria for buying or walking away? 

Asking because while I love knowing money is being put away, I also love to shop. It can be as simple as, I’m in Manchester (like I am right now) and want to buy something unique that I can’t buy at home. Or I don’t have a something in that color, fabric or design. I don’t need it. I just like it and will enjoy it.  

How do you navigate this? What’s your approach?